 |
|
|
|
DWIGHT SPEAKS! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by Dwight Schrute
I just want to remind all of you that you are not paid to sit on the toilet. Visits to the restroom should be taken before work, after work, or on your lunch break. When you're on the clock, you are paid to work, and you are not working when you are in a bathroom stall (unless you're like me, I fill out paperwork at that time). Because many of you are abusing our restroom facilities (in an anonymous rotund Afro-American salesman's case, for hours at a time), I am requesting that corporate install pay toilets to make up for the time, and thus the money, people are wasting. Take advantage of the free restrooms while you can people, but you must do so when you are off the clock.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
ANGELA'S CUTE CORNER |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by Angela Martin
From now on I'm going to rate the photos emailed to me with an Angel rating. Five Angels means that it's as cute as possible.
Someone sent me this photo and it broke my heart. What's she doing dressed like that? So tawdry and shameless. I just hope this little kitten sees the error of her ways and gives up her floozy life. Kitty, take off those cones and put on a tasteful pea coat before it's too late!
courtesy of ultrakawaii.com
Now this kitten looks reputable. The red's a little loud for my taste, but you can tell she's a lady. She's ready to have tea and crumpets with her grandmother. Very respectable, and in my book, that's cute.
courtesy of flickr.com
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
OSCAR'S GRIPE |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by Oscar Martinez
It seems every time a gay themed film is in theaters it is all people bring up while making small talk with me. It happened with Brokeback Mountain a couple years ago, and now it's happening again. Yes, I did see Milk. Yes, I was moved by the eloquent script, written by the enchanting Dustin Lance Black. Yes, I found Sean Penn's performance nothing less than superb. But that's not the only movie you can converse with me about - I found both Frost Nixon and Revolutionary Road almost as compelling. Why don't people want to discuss that with me? I would love to talk about Slumdog Millionaire, but even Kelly, who I think would have some unique insights, isn't interested in talking about it with me.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
THE CELEB 411 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by Kelly Kapoor
The Oscars were on the other night and a lot of people won awards and stuff, but the biggest news was that Jennifer Aniston and Brangelina were together in the same room! I've spent the last three years reading countless Us Magazines, agonizing over where I belong: team Aniston or team Jolie? I've flipped back and forth between the two camps, and I can't do it any more. This night would decide once and for all if I was rooting for Angelina Jolie, the saintly beauty that saves children while looking awesome, or Jennifer Aniston, the toned goddess that won my heart as Rachel so many many years ago...
At the Oscars, Angelina looked super hot in her black dress, with hot Brad on her hot arm, sitting next to that Mickey Rourke guy (I don't get that Mickey Rourke guy). But Jen also looked really hot, in a sparkly dress and braid in her hair, sitting next to cutie John Mayer - the two of them could have won an Oscar for best tan. I have to give Aniston props, she held her head high as she strutted past Brad & Angelina with dignity before she presented the award for best cartoon. Plus, both Angelina and Brad were big losers in their categories so...I'm gonna call it - Jen won this fight. It's official - sorry Angelina, but I'm firmly on team Aniston...at least until you have another baby.
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
