 |
|
|
|
MICHAEL SCOTT'S ROCKIN' NEW YEAR'S EVE! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by Partymaster General Michael Scott
Attention Everyone! I'm going to have a Rockin' New Year's Eve party this year and you're all invited. As you might expect, it's going to be innnnnnnsssaaaaaannnnneeee in the memmmmmbbbrrraaaannnneeee (insane in the membrane, for non-hip-hop fans). Here's what you can expect:
- Michael Scott's Homemade Specialty Cocktail. I won't reveal my secret, but let's just say it's got cranberry juice, lemonade, and a very "special" ingredient that rhymes with "schmepperschmint schschnapps."
- Chips! Last year, I bought seven different kinds of chips. This year, I'm going to try to break my personal record and do ten. Have you ever been to a party with ten different kinds of chips? If you come to my party, the answer to that question is Y-E-S.
- The best party mix you've ever heard. It's called "NOW That's What I Call Music Volume 16" and it has so many hits on it, you're going to freak out. I don't know how my neighbors are going to feel when I crank those tunes up to 11 (Monty Python reference), but they're invited so if they don't come it's their own fault. You want to know the best part? It was only $5 used! That's so much less than I'm paying for CDs with BMG.
- One of the following things: puppies, an inflatable bouncy castle, a Mariachi band, or more chips. If I can't get the first three - and trust me, I'm going to try really hard - I'll make up for it by buying even more chips. I'm talking like five more kinds of chips, bringing the grand total to FIFTEEN. Don't freak out. This is just how I like to party.
RSVP to Michael Scott's Rockin' New Year's Eve Party by coming to my office and telling me that you're coming. Also let Pam know because she's keeping the official list. (Note to Pam: Can you keep an official RSVP list for my party? Thanks!)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DWIGHT SPEAKS! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by Office Safety Officer Dwight Kurt Schrute
 I'm sure you're all aware of what the sensationalist media has termed "black ice." This is ice that has formed on top of blacktop (such as our parking lot), which makes it less than visible, therefore leading to an increased amount of slipping injuries. I'm here to tell you that just because it's difficult to see, doesn't mean you can hold the company liable. It is your responsibility to notice and react to icy conditions on the ground. You should always operate under the assumption that so-called "black ice" is present. My best advice is to tell you to take tiny steps in the parking lot, no matter what the conditions. The extra two or three minutes that will arise from your new tiny stepping routine will possibly save you millions of dollars in rehabilitation costs that could stem from a broken hip or lung puncture (assuming you fall onto a very sharp stick). Please keep safety in mind as you navigate the parking lot this winter and remember: Tiny Steps Save Lives.
|
|
|
|
|
|
A NOTE FROM PHYLLIS |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by Phyllis
Hi everybody. My husband, Bob Vance, wanted me to pass on a message for him. I guess some people are parking in Vance Refrigeration spots sometimes and that makes Bob Vance kind of mad. He told me that he doesn't mind if you park there, but you have to ask him first. Please don't make Bob Vance mad. He's not real good about separating work and home and if he comes home mad, I end up hearing about it all night. Last week he complained about my meatloaf because his warehouse guy Leo took a really long lunch. He never complains about my meatloaf. It really hurt my feelings. So please don't park in Bob Vance's spaces unless you want to hurt my feelings. Thank you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
FROM ACCOUNTING |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by the Accountants
To Everyone in the Office:
Please don't ask us for your W-2 forms. They will be mailed out in January. We will not forget anyone. We are aware that Kelly did not receive hers two years ago, but that was determined to be a result of one of her sister's negligence and not ours. Don't ask us in December why you haven't gotten yours yet. You haven't received it because it's not January, which is when we send them out. If you ask in December, you're just being stupid. Don't be stupid. Wait until January to ask.
If you haven't received your W-2 form by February, please feel free to ask us about it.
Sincerely,
Angela Martin
On Behalf of the Accountants
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
WATCH THIS!
A New Monthly Movie Review Column |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by Michael Gary Scott
So, in honor of the upcoming holidays, I went to the movies and saw "American Gangster" because, honestly, what's more American than Christmas? It was pretty awesome. Denzel Washington (from "Virtuosity") plays this big-time drug dealer in Harlem and Russell Crowe (not from "The Crowe") is the cop that's trying to track him down. Normally I'd say a movie like this is racist because they made the black guy the drug dealer, but this is a completely true story so the only racist here is History.
Overall, I really liked this movie. I felt like I was learning while I was watching and I really like that feeling. There was really cool action, like when Denzel shot a guy during breakfast, and his wife is crazy hot. There was a guy with a really funny mustache, too. He was a bad cop. Do you remember when mustaches were cool? I do. I still see mustaches on some guys, but they're mostly older and usually pretty fat. SPOILER ALERT: The ending was pretty fast moving, so you have to pay attention to keep up with what's going on.
If I had to rate this movie, I'd give it a 7 out 10. It was fun and makes you glad that you don't deal drugs or live in 1970's Harlem. Go see it!
|
|
|
|
|
|
